Microinfidelities: What They Are And How They Affect Relationships
Until now we defined infidelity as a physical act, where a committed person maintains contact or a relationship of a sexual nature with another person who is not their partner.
The new forms of relationships have been expanding this definition, bringing to the table the issue of consent and pre-existing agreements between the couple. Some people maintain so-called open relationships or relationships that break with monogamy and each couple has their own way of handling other ties that are established outside the couple.
But beyond known infidelity and its definition, the advancement of technology and new forms of communication have allowed people to create new ways of relating beyond the physical world. This mode of virtual contact has given rise to another type of deception: microinfidelities.
The concept of microunhappiness was coined by Australian psychologist Melanie Schilling Through an article published in the Daily Mail, this infidelity specialist proposed giving a name to a new type of behavior that she had been frequently observing in current couples who came to her consultation.
According to Schilling, we will all be or have been unfaithful at some point in our lives, or at least micro-unfaithful. But what exactly do we mean when we talk about micro-unhappiness?
Microinfidelities are defined by Schelling as: “a series of apparently small actions that indicate that a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside the relationship ”.
Microinfidelities are a type of covert flirting, all subtle actions or behaviors that occur outside the couple and seek close contact with another person without the couple knowing, they may or may not be physical.
Some examples of microinfidelities They could include not telling someone you are in a relationship with someone you have a special interest in, dressing more attractively to get someone’s attention. In short, all behaviors that demonstrate special attention for someone other than the partner.
Within the virtual world and new forms of communication, microinfidelities can be defined as small acts of emotional infidelity through the use of applications, text messages or interactions on the Internet with someone other than the partner.
Microcheating or microinfidelities do not involve physical contact with someone other than the engaged couple. So if there is no physical thing, is micro-deception a deception? They couldn’t just be an unimportant flirt. The answer is not simple, but it would have more to do with the secrets than with the act itself.
Although acts or examples are sometimes used to facilitate their definition, microinfidelities have less to do with a particular behavior, and more to do with lying or secrets and their impact on the relationship.
According to experts, you should not fall into behavior of this type too often, and remember that within micro-deception, deceive is the important word. Frequent hiding things destroys trust between partners and can have a negative impact on the well-being and integrity of the relationship.
Why do microinfidelities occur?
Infidelity is extremely common. According to statistics, many people admit to having been unfaithful while they were in a committed relationship, and many of those who have not been unfaithful admit to having considered it. It is in this place where micro-deception could be positioned, for example: browsing a dating website or forming closer than normal emotional ties with someone. As we said in the introduction, according to Schilling, we will all be or have been unfaithful at some point in our lives, or rather micro-unfaithful.
The common nature of this type of infidelity can make us think about the need for this type of behavior. But microinfidelities do not speak of the strength or well-being of the relationship These types of behaviors do not automatically show how attractive a person is to their partner, how good the relationship is, or how strong they are.
According to experts, microinfidelities happen not for a single reason, but there are many reasons to commit them. Most likely, people engage in this type of behavior, either on a whim, to get a little extra excitement or stimulation in their lives. Microinfidelity gives a little euphoria or high, but not too much to turn life upside down.
Are microinfidelities a deception?
It’s okay and natural to find other people attractive when you’re in a committed relationship, but don’t cheat on your partner. You can enjoy flirting and being flirted with, even if you don’t flirt back.
Some establish the difference between deception and not in how much the actions would affect the couple when they find out. But deception does not always affect the same; While some couples would consider flirting to be a minimal problem, others would consider it a form of betrayal and some couples may even think that flirting is okay and necessary to feel better about ourselves.
So, we return to the secretive nature of the behavior to establish whether microinfidelity exists or not. More than the act, The problem of microinfidelity lies in the deception and concealment of this When someone is lied to, harm can result. The premise is simple: concealment can cause harm.
In social psychology, there is a phrase “what is perceived as real is real in its consequences” can be perfectly applied to the issue of microinfidelities. When someone believes that her partner has been cheating on her, because she has broken a pre-established rule or condition, she feels betrayed. This is a common feeling, and it is natural that it leads to anger, distrust and even loss of affection for the person she has cheated on.
Although there are more and more publications and articles that focus on separating between the infidelities that we have always classified as such and microinfidelities, establishing the existence of physical contact of a sexual nature as the main difference between both types of deception. There are still those who believe that some of the arguments presented by Melanie Schilling and all the articles that discuss these differences are questionable or misleading.
Some people think that although we can add micro to the term, any type of lie, a deception, is still a clear sign of disloyalty and shows a lack of trust in the partner. On the other hand, there are also those who disagree and believe that it is impossible to generalize when talking about anything related to fidelity or infidelity.
Regardless of what others think, It all comes down to what the couple agrees and talks about After all, if two people (freely) agree to something, in this case monogamy, then anything that has potential for an emotional connection with another person outside of the relationship could be considered infidelity. In general, it is thought that whether or not there is concealment of behavior is where possible infidelity exists, whether it is considered macro or micro.
