Orbiting: What it is and How it Affects Relationships After a Breakup

In a world where we were still getting used to the idea of ​​how traumatic “ghosting” can be, now comes a new phenomenon to worry about in our interpersonal relationships: orbiting.

It is a kind of half-ghosting, fading but not completely. Whether it is our ex, a friend who has stood us up or someone who has wanted to break up the relationship but has not completely left, giving the occasional signal through social networks.

Let’s see in more detail what is orbiting how social networks have maximized this phenomenon and what needs to be done to avoid being a victim of it.

What is orbiting?

Human relationships are complicated, for better and worse. They all have a beginning followed by a middle and, some, an ending, a break that can be consensual and peaceful or tense and conflictive. Other times the end of the relationship is sudden, with one taking the initiative to break up and without the other giving him time to react and giving the impression that the end is open because. Whoever has left asks themselves over and over again, “Is the relationship over or are we still dating?” The mystery arises especially when the person who broke up has done so by simply disappearing

Orbiting is a phenomenon closely related to ghosting, so before explaining it in depth, let’s briefly see what the latter is. Ghosting is a very common social practice today, in which basically a person who maintains a relationship with another (especially romantic but it can also be friendship) abandons them without leaving any trace. The breakup is not done with words or gestures, but simply by stopping giving signals to the other party and pretend it never existed. It’s like he’s vanished from the face of the earth.

Orbiting is the little brother of ghosting. It occurs in love and friendship relationships, in which one of the two wants to stop having an intimate relationship However, the difference here is that contact is not completely lost, since the abandoner continues to give signals, especially through social networks. He may even interact with the abandoned party but in a very superficial way, such as liking their posts or watching their stories. Of course, he does not answer his direct messages nor does he take his calls.

They orbit around you

“Orbiting” means “orbiting” or “orbiting” in English, and defines very well the behavior encompassed by the term, coined by Anna Lovine on the blog “The Man Repeller”. The “orbiters”, that is, the people who disappear from our lives but without abandoning it completely, orbit us like the Earth does with the Sun: they circle around us, but do not touch us. They are not too involved in our lives but they want to know every new thing in it They need to stay informed but in indirect ways, never having a conversation directly with us.

So, as we mentioned, our “orbiter”, be it an ex-partner, ex-friend or a distant relative, will gossip about what we do and don’t do on social networks. He will look at all our Instagram stories, he may retweet our Tweets and he will even leave the occasional comment, brief and laughable, on our Facebook photos. Yes, that person who was your boyfriend two weeks ago and now views you on WhatsApp is capable of giving you a “hahahaha XD” on the last one you posted. Break up with you in the real world, but stay on top of your life in the virtual world

But we should not think that this phenomenon is exclusive to social networks. Although new technologies have enhanced it, the truth is that orbiting is something that has existed all our lives. Basically, it is being aware of the life of a person with whom you previously had a very deep relationship and, now that it has been broken, you do not want to be close but not too far away so as not to find out what is happening in their life.

Consequences of orbiting

Orbiting implies several consequences that fall primarily on the “orbited”. The person who is a victim of this type of dynamics She may find herself trapped in a situation of uncertainty when she sees that her ex-partner or ex-friend has abandoned her, but not completely She’s not sure if the relationship has broken down or just taken some time.

Since they see that their ex is still paying attention to what they do on social networks, the orbited person can hope that they will return. The reality is that he most likely does not want to get back with her but is interested in gossiping about her life.

Despite this, people who are victims of orbiting They may not realize the serious problem of emotional dependence in which they are immersed Far from accepting the fact that they are not going to get back with them, as their ex orbits them, they think that this may mean something. It is not surprising because the fact that your ex keeps watching your Instagram stories or commenting on your Facebook posts is ultimately an interaction, and one can believe that, even if it is minimal, it means that there is still hope.

Especially in the context of romantic relationships, these dynamics are fueled by the erroneous idea that love is found only once, according to Angélica Vera Vázquez, professor of human sexuality and gender psychology. If the orbiter is an ex, The orbited person can cling to the idea that perhaps this is the love of their life and that at some point they will talk to them again to restart the relationship The sad reality is that this ex has not had the courage to break up with him or her by talking to him or her, but has half-heartedly ghosted him or her.

This type of behavior, which seems minor, can escalate to symbolic violence. Asymmetrical patterns of power begin to create where one of the two, the orbiter, knows that it can cause a problem. He may not be aware of the power that the other person has given him, the force that he exerts on the person orbited by the simple act of consulting his publications and making him believe that there is still something.

Orbiting Testimonials

People who have been victims of love orbiting have very similar experiences which can be exemplified by the following anonymous testimonies altered to respect their privacy.

“Every time we talked about feelings, he told me that “now I can’t or don’t want to be with you,” but he kept commenting on my posts so I thought that, maybe, that “now” would change. I clung to the fact that this was now a maybe, and the fact that he liked my photos and my memes made me believe that this maybe was getting closer.”

“I fell into his game and started doing the same. Since he “liked” my photos, I did the same with his. I looked at his stories, reacted to what he posted, and got used to the idea that the flame of the relationship was still alive. “He didn’t answer me by private message, but he didn’t block me from the network either, so I thought there was a possibility of coming back.”

What to do in these situations?

If we are going through an orbiting situation, in which our ex-partner or ex-friend is paying attention to what we do on the networks and that leaves us with the doubt of whether he will return or not, all accompanied by suffering, We must ask ourselves a few questions before acting:

• Why do I love that person?
• Is it really what I need?
• What am I waiting for?

As we have commented, with orbiting they are half-ghosting us She is there but she is not there. She wants to have enough of a relationship with us to know about our lives but not enough to connect on as intimate a level as we had before the situation. This is why it is important to learn to distance ourselves, to say goodbye and understand that if his presence on social networks and other platforms hurts us, there is only one thing that will make us feel better: blocking him.

You have to learn that It’s okay to block depending on what people Let’s look at it this way, it’s as if we were giving him a little push to get away from our lives permanently. It is making him take that step that he did not dare to take on his own and making it a complete ghosting, only that the victim is no longer us but the ones who have taken the last word.

Learn that who you are doesn’t depend on who likes you or who sees your photos It is also understanding that you don’t need to give a “like” to feel important, that if you really want someone in your life, you should tell them and not be intermittent. And if you want to break up with him or her, tell him or her clearly and don’t leave him or her in uncertainty, because grieving over the breakup will be worse. Things always have to be talked about, even if they are bad.