Why Does My Mother-in-law Make Me Anxious and What to Do

Your mother-in-law may generate anxiety due to expectations, personal differences, or unresolved conflicts. Talk to your partner to establish limits and seek to manage the relationship calmly and with empathy. In this type of relationship there are gestures or expressions that can upset us more than normal. If, despite repeated attempts to have a good relationship with your mother-in-law, there is no way, it is understandable that you would worry.

If the situation becomes uncomfortable, it can cause anxiety that is difficult to manage. Therefore, in this PsychologyFor article, we will provide you with information about Why does my mother-in-law make me anxious and what to do in these cases.

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What is mother-in-law phobia called?

There is no precise definition of phobia. to the family figure of the mother-in-law. In any case, it can be said that it is an irrational fear that manifests itself in social situations shared with a mother-in-law. Although we cannot talk about a mental health disorder, it is possible to take the parameters of the DSM-V about specific phobias. In this sense, this problem has peculiarities that make it unique compared to other clinical diagnoses.

However, colloquially, some people have created the term soceraphobia to refer to this fear. This word is the result of a Latin combination between socera (mother-in-law) and phobia (phobia). This term is accepted at a social level and is used in a humorous or exaggerated way to describe the anxiety or discomfort that some people may feel towards their mother-in-law.

Why does my mother-in-law make me anxious?

If you notice that your mother-in-law makes you anxious, it is necessary to investigate the causes that cause it to manage this situation. Here we present some of the main causes:

Differences in expectations and values: They may be different from yours in important issues such as raising children, family finances or lifestyle. These differences can generate tensions.
Protective relationship with your child: Your mother-in-law may feel the need to continue protecting her children, which could make you feel like they are invading your space.
Social stigmas: Prejudices and misconceptions, such as machismo, irritability caused by women, or lack of self-worth, can provoke preconceived ideas of the other person and cause misunderstandings.
Lack of support from your partner: When your partner does not establish clear boundaries with his mother, it can make you feel alone in the relationship. If you perceive that she is more aligned with her mother than with you on certain decisions, this can increase anxiety.
Uncertainty: In the absence of concrete information about another person’s behavior, one of the most common responses is anxiety. In this case. We recommend you read this article on How to manage uncertainty.

How to know if my mother-in-law makes me anxiou

Although it is not easy to detect if your mother-in-law makes you anxious, there are physical, emotional and behavioral manifestations that you can pay attention to to detect it:

Physical changes: fatigue, irritability, excessive sweating, breathing difficulties, or even nausea and/or vomiting.
Behavioral symptoms: Avoid family gatherings where you know your mother-in-law will be and you also avoid talking about her. Still, recurring thoughts about her may appear because you worry a lot about how she reacts and how that affects your relationship.
Disproportionate emotional reactions: If you notice that you react more intensely when you interact with your mother-in-law—whether with irritability, sadness, frustration, or even a feeling of helplessness—it may cause anxiety.
Self-criticism or greater insecurity: Your relationship with your mother-in-law makes you constantly doubt yourself, leads you to question your capabilities as a partner, mother/father, or even to think that you are not “good” enough.
Feeling of loss of control: Another key symptom is the feeling that you have no control over how your relationship with your mother-in-law affects your life.

What to do when your mother-in-law makes you anxiou

When your relationship with your mother-in-law causes you anxiety, we recommend following these strategies to manage it in a healthy way:

Take deep breaths: faced with the impulse to avoid an unpleasant moment, it is preferable to take some time to relax. It can be done through breathing, with deep inhalations and exhalations, which slow the heart rate.
Communicate with your partner: It is essential to have an open and sincere dialogue about the feelings that a close family member awakens. If your mother-in-law makes you anxious, becoming aware and talking to your partner about how you feel will help you manage it.
Set limits: Identify which conversation topics make you uncomfortable. This way, you can avoid topics and situations that promote anxiety.
Encourage positive interactions: Anxiety usually produces physical and emotional discomfort. To counteract its effects, try to create moments of interaction that are pleasant or neutral. This will also improve your mood and reduce everyday stress.
Seek professional supportIf anxiety becomes persistent or difficult to manage, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or psychologist. Therapy can provide you with specific tools to manage anxiety and improve communication with your mother-in-law.

In this article you will find more information about How to deal with toxic mothers-in-law.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why does my mother-in-law make me anxious and what to do we recommend that you enter our Clinical Psychology category.

References:

Sierra, JC, Ortega, V., Zubeidat, I. (2003). Anxiety, anguish and stress: three concepts to differentiate. Mal-estar E Subjecttividade Magazine, 3 (1), 10-59.