Emotional dependence is a very important concept in the field of Psychology , since it can greatly affect our quality of life and the personal relationships we establish. Luckily, there are some ways to avoid it, or minimize the likelihood of it appearing.
But before seeing how we can avoid it, it is necessary to clarify what emotional dependence is.
We must define this emotional dependence as an addiction; is the inability to end a relationship when we must It occurs in the face of experiences that can be expressed in: “it can’t be me, I have abandoned my friendships, hobbies.”
In situations like this we ask ourselves: where have I been? But still we can’t leave the relationship because we feel like we “need” the other person
Emotional dependence is that need we have to be with the other person even when we are very bad. We have addiction towards the other person. “I don’t choose you, nor do you contribute to me, I need you.”
When considering dependence as an addiction we must take into account that there is a withdrawal syndrome: for example, when we try to leave our partner and we feel a very great need to be with this person again.
What are the indicators of emotional dependence?
These are the main experiences associated with emotional dependence:
Emotionally dependent people can do things for themselves, but They need the support of their partner or another person to validate their self-efficacy
How can we avoid emotional dependence?
When it comes to preventing these kinds of dysfunctional ways of bonding with other people from developing, keep the following guidelines in mind.
1. Become aware
It is important to be aware that we are beginning to have an emotional dependency problem “I have an addiction, I have a problem.” Many times we say, “I know, I see that it doesn’t work, but I can’t leave it.” When this awareness occurs, the best thing to avoid this emotional dependence is to put distance from that person. Do not have any contact, physical, telephone or through social networks.
2. Strengthen our self-esteem
By improving our self-esteem, we will contribute a lot to not falling into emotional dependence. Self-esteem, the feeling of how valuable I am, is key in relationships. Messages we send to ourselves like “no one is going to choose me”, “I will be alone” they make us cling to someone although the relationship is not entirely good for us.
Our self-esteem is forged between the ages of 4 and 10, in our childhood, and is at its highest point between the ages of 60 and 70.
For Nathaniel Branden, the 6 pillars of self-esteem are:
Live consciously. Analyze ourselves, seeing what we can improve.
Accept us. Connect with our inner child, recognize ourselves, approve of ourselves. Be aware of our emotional shortcomings.
Take responsibility. Once we have accepted ourselves, we must take responsibility for our lives and not externalize everything that happens to us.
Work on assertiveness. The ability to express and defend our own rights without harming others, but without forgetting our point of view. Learn to say “no”.
Live with a purpose. Know where we are going, what we want, what resources we have.
Live with integrity. Promote self-esteem in others.
Having spent time immersed in a relationship in which we have forgotten ourselves Therefore, it is important to evaluate our needs and reflect on:
What are my values?
What are my needs and preferences?
What aspects are non-negotiable?
What am I looking for in a partner?
What are my limits?
4. Discard the myths of romantic love
Since we are little we are educated in different myths about love In cinema, on television, love is something romantic that does not understand self-esteem or maturity. Phrases like:
The love conquers all.
Love forgives everything.
Who does love you, will make you cry.
True love hurts.
All these myths mean that when we find ourselves in a relationship of emotional dependence, in a relationship that makes us suffer, we feel that this is love.
AND The reality is that love doesn’t hurt , love doesn’t make you cry, it makes you smile and love can’t handle everything or forgive everything. Love is having no guarantees, nor a “forever”, but choosing ourselves every day, first ourselves and our partner.
