Have you ever found yourself saying the following to yourself? “I have been lucky”, “I am not as good at what I do as others think”, “My colleagues have everything much clearer than me”, “At the first mistake they will realize that I do not deserve to be where I am”, “I have I have to try harder and do things impeccably so that they can see that I am worth it.”…
You are probably suffering from imposter syndrome. This is not diagnosable but is characterized by the persistent doubts you may be experiencing regarding your achievements, abilities, and talents It is very heavy to live this way, almost suffocating, since it generates anxiety, sadness, and a constant fear of being discovered as a fraud.
Imposter syndrome is characterized by the deep-rooted belief that our achievements are undeserved and that we have deceived others, consciously or unconsciously, making them believe that we are more competent than we really are. The feeling is that we have been lucky or that factors external to us have helped us but not our own abilities.
Regardless of all the evidence that exists and demonstrates how competent and prepared we are, we will have an inability to realistically evaluate our competencies and abilities. But what factors contribute to feeling like an imposter?
People who suffer from impostor syndrome set excessively high standards for themselves and are often tormented by self-doubt, constantly feeling that they do not meet outside expectations or that sooner or later they will be discovered as inadequate or insufficient. for the roles they play.
This is a question that my clients often ask me, as if by understanding it they could root out this suffering. Why me? Why do everyone else seem so relaxed and I feel like a mess? To which I always answer, let’s look for that together to see what’s behind that discomfort but then let’s focus on all the actions that as adults responsible for our well-being we can carry out.
Broadly speaking, I could say that our interactions as children and adolescents both in the family, in education, and in sports may have left a mark. My clients often tell me about the great pressure they felt at home or at school to be “successful”, to “succeed”, or to “win” and how this gave rise to enormous internal criticism every time they felt they were being ignored. They failed their elders of reference.
Others have shared with me that their parents were always busy and that what brought them together was to comment on their academic or athletic performance, with which Any setback could make them lose that thread that united them and make them feel very “little.” In families where my clients have experienced a lot of conflict, doubts about their worth have also often arisen, either because they internalized that children with other realities were better than them, or because their own family made them perceive them as “losers.”
All these different forms of connection with our environment from a young age influence how our personality is woven in such a way that it makes us more likely to feel like impostors. As I mentioned above: perfectionism, lack of self-esteem, fear of failure, and comparison with others intensify this feeling.
What can we do to alleviate and reverse imposter syndrome?
Here are the best tips:
As I tell my clients, first and foremost remember that even though your feelings feel very real, it doesn’t mean they are reflecting the truth. With the right help, you can get ahead.
