I Get Nervous When Speaking: What’s Wrong With Me And How To Fix It?
Communication may be one of the fundamental aspects of human relationships, but that doesn’t mean that engaging in real-time, face-to-face conversations isn’t complicated. In each dialogue of this type there are many elements at play, and sometimes the feeling of not having control of what happens can lead to anxiety.
That is why many people wonder… Why do I get nervous when speaking? How can I stop this from being a problem when interacting with others?
Although (obviously) simply reading an article will not solve the problem, in the following lines we will review the usual causes of this problem. What can be done so that this anxiety weakens until it almost disappears
I get nervous when talking to someone: why does this happen to me?
Each person is different, and our lives are always different from those of others, but despite this we can find some common factors that usually occur in the majority of cases in which this problem appears. They are the following.
1. Attraction for the person we are talking to
This is one of the most common reasons behind those nerves when talking to someone. Being romantically or sexually interested in someone keeps us in a constant state of alert to try to please although paradoxically this can achieve the opposite effect if it reaches a very extreme point.
This cause occurs especially in professional or academic contexts. It consists of the feeling of worry that someone will discover that we are not up to what would be required in the social circle in which we are For example, if a professional starts working in a company in which he believes that everyone is more skilled than him, he will be worried about the possibility that a conversation will reveal his supposed mediocrity.
3. Fear of speaking in public
This is very common and happens to a greater or lesser extent to practically everyone who is not used to giving talks in front of large audiences, such as in a university class oral presentation or a conference.
As we are aware that there are many people focusing their attention on ourselves, we try to control practically everything we do, and since that is impossible, anxiety appears. Even the anticipation of this produces anxiety before going out to speak However, it must be clear that this form of stress has a different nature than that generated when talking to someone in a two-way exchange of words.
4. Shyness
We must not forget that this psychological phenomenon linked to personality also has an important effect on what we experience when talking to someone. Shy people are afraid of the possibility of being evaluated negatively for others, and this simple concern causes them to overestimate the probabilities of this happening, which generates discomfort from the first words exchanged.
5. Introversion
It is also common for introverts to get nervous when speaking, since they have a hard time managing their attention so that it focuses on what is happening around them, instead of focusing on their thoughts. For this reason, they feel at a disadvantage compared to others, and it is common for them to notice that everything in the dialogues goes too fast.
It is true that depending on the reason why someone feels that they get nervous when talking to others, a different approach to the situation will be required, but broadly speaking, we can summarize most of the answers to this problem in three tips.
1. Work on self-esteem
In many cases, what best explains this discomfort when talking to others has to do with having low self-esteem. This feeling of not being good enough may vary depending on the situation; For example, someone who generally has good social skills may feel nervous talking to someone who seems very intelligent when one considers oneself to be not intelligent at all.
Working on self-esteem is something complex that sometimes requires help from psychologists, but in general it translates into adopting a realistic and distant perspective that allows us to relativize the importance of what others think about oneself, on the one hand, and that teaches us to pay more attention to what we are good at, for the other.
2. Improvement
Do things that show you how you are able to progress in a particular skill or area of knowledge. For example, if you think you are the least cultured person in your environment, use those nerves as an engine to improve in that aspect and have no reasonable reason to worry.
Even so, keep in mind that even if you improve, you will surely maintain a pessimistic bias about your own abilities, unless you also combat it.
3. Expose yourself to discomfort
Reflecting on who you are and what you are capable of will not be enough to stop feeling nervous when talking to others. You must go beyond introspection go to practice and expose yourself to moderately anxiety-inducing conversations to lose your fear of face-to-face dialogue.
As we have seen, when asked “why do I get nervous when speaking?” We must assume that whatever the cause, we must make an effort to lose that fear, stop for uncomfortable situations and do it in the most intensive way possible so as not to throw in the towel and see progress quickly.
