Have you ever felt like someone was emotionally manipulating you? Phrases like “if you let me I will die”, “no one will love you like I do” or “without you I will never be happy” may sound familiar, even romantic, but in reality they hide a form of abuse: emotional blackmail.
Like a chameleon, emotional blackmail is camouflaged in relationships, appearing to be love, concern or need, when in reality it seeks control and power. We have heard it in songs, movies and even in phrases from our own family or friends, so it has become naturalized as part of love or friendship.
In this article, we will explain how to identify this type of manipulation, even in the most everyday situations. You will learn to recognize behaviors that give you away, you will understand the different strategies that emotional blackmailers use and, most importantly, you will obtain the tools to defend yourself and protect your well-being.
Imagine a spider web. Delicate, almost imperceptible, but with enough strength to capture and subdue its prey. This is how emotional blackmail is shown, a manipulative tactic so subtle that it often goes unnoticed, especially if it comes from a loved one.
Emotional blackmail represents a form of coercion that uses emotions as a tool to achieve its objectives. The emotional blackmailer weaves a web of guilt, fear and responsibility, trapping you in a game of manipulation where you end up becoming a puppet.
The emotional blackmailer’s tactics can take many forms. From words that generate feelings of guilt, actions that seek to make you responsible for their well-being or discomfort, to hidden threats, silent treatment, manipulative tears or actions full of victimhood. In these circumstances, it is common to feel confused by the emotions that arise. If it has happened to you, don’t feel guilty for not recognizing it sooner! The important thing is that now you have the opportunity to learn to identify him and escape his trap.
Keys to detect emotional blackmail
Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation that seeks to dominate another person’s behavior through feelings of guilt, fear or obligation. It is a form of psychological violence with potential serious impacts on the mental and emotional health of those who experience it.
How to recognize emotional blackmail? Below, we share with you 7 signs that can help you detect this type of behavior:
1. He tries to make you feel guilty
The emotional blackmailer will try to make you feel responsible for their emotional well-being. Phrases like “if you loved me, you wouldn’t act like this” or “you would do it if you really loved me” They are used to create guilt and obtain what they seek.
For example, your partner threatens to end the relationship if you don’t spend more time with him or her (even when you’re already prioritizing the relationship) or if you don’t do something he or she expects you to do.
Emotional blackmail does not always operate in a subtle way. Sometimes, the manipulator will resort to direct or indirect threats to achieve her goals.
Example: A boss threatens to fire an employee if he or she does not agree to work overtime without pay.
3. He manipulates you with love bombing
This tactic consists of overexposing the person to displays of affection and attention and then, unexpectedly, become cold and distant once your victim is sufficiently involved.
For example, someone may show you a lot of affection at the beginning of a relationship, but suddenly change. From there, attention becomes intermittent, to keep you waiting for that love that he gave you at the beginning.
4. Use silence as punishment
Some people who use emotional blackmail may decide to ignore the victim as punishment to control their behavior. For example, your partner might stop talking to you for several days after an argument to make you feel guilty and apologize.
5. Act like a victim
This type of person wants you to feel pity, compassion and understanding for situations that they themselves caused. They tend to look outside of themselves to blame for their misfortune.
Example: A friend attributes responsibility to you for their bad mood, causing you to feel responsible for their emotional well-being.
6. Use the gaslighting
He gaslighting It is a manipulation tactic intended to sow doubts in the victim about their own perception of reality. Example: Your partner denies having said something that hurt you, creating uncertainty about your memory and sanity.
7. You may resort to threats of suicide
In extreme situations, the person engaging in emotional blackmail may threaten to commit suicide if the victim does not comply with their demands. Example: Your partner threatens to commit suicide if you decide to end the relationship.
When you are faced with a situation of emotional blackmail, it is essential that you act to free yourself from it. Below are 5 keys that will guide you in your search for freedom:
1. Set clear boundaries
It is vital that you define boundaries with the blackmailer. Determine which behaviors you are willing to tolerate and which you are not. Communicate your limits firmly and clearly, without room for ambiguity.
2. Prioritize your well-being over your affection for the other person
Remember that your well-being is paramount. Do not allow emotional blackmail to generate feelings of guilt that weigh you down or makes you feel responsible for other people’s happiness. If you need to, write in a personal journal to reflect on what happened and put your ideas in order.
3. Avoid falling into provocations
The emotional blackmailer will seek to provoke you to awaken emotional reactions in you. Stay calm and don’t get carried away by their words or attitudes.
4. Keep distance
Do not try to talk to the emotional blackmailer or make him see reason, because You may not be willing to change your behavior. Instead, it is advisable to maintain both physical and emotional separation.
5. Do activities that reinforce your self-esteem
Emotional blackmail can damage your self-esteem, so it is essential to practice activities that promote your well-being and help you recognize your own value.
Getting out of an emotional blackmail situation can be difficult, but it is completely possible. With the assistance of a mental health professional and the application of these tips, you will be able to regain your autonomy and enjoy a fuller and happier life.
