How Can I Start Living For Myself And Not For Others? 7 Keys
Something curious happens in personal relationships: once we have decided to fight for the well-being of the people around us and begin to sacrifice ourselves for others, our past acts of kindness can enslave us. Or, at least, if we lose control of the situation.
The reason for this is that if everyone assumes that we are there for what others need, failing to offer our help and efforts becomes a sign of selfishness, or even cruelty. Now, it is possible Break with this dynamic and fight for yourself instead of always doing it for others
When it comes to gaining autonomy and freedom, it is necessary to act on both our beliefs and thoughts as well as our habits. Let’s see how to do it. All this, to answer the question of: how to start living for me?
1. Work on self-compassion
There are those who say that those who live for others do so because they experience something similar to masochism. These kinds of claims are clearly an exaggeration, but they contain some truth.
And those who have become accustomed to always sacrificing themselves for other people do so based on a deeply internalized belief that oneself owes something to others ; that is, its existence must be constantly compensated by good actions. The reasons why this belief has been adopted can vary greatly depending on the case, but that feeling of self-loathing is there.
That is why it is essential to work on self-compassion, embrace the habit of not constantly and cruelly judging oneself
2. Adopt a distanced perspective
In situations in which there are clashes of interests that tend to be resolved by one person always accepting the conditions of the others, It is good that the one who sacrifices herself learns to adopt a more objective perspective
To do this, it is necessary to stick to data that is undeniable and draw conclusions from reflecting on it. To do this, it may even be useful to use a pen and paper and write down in a table the advantages and disadvantages that accepting that proposal has for oneself, on the one hand, and for the other person or organization, on the other.
3. Learn to say no
Something as simple as saying no to certain requests does a lot of good, especially when until that moment we were accepting any request that was made to us.
The complicated thing in these cases is knowing how to manage the anxiety that can be produced by situations in which we want to decline one of these “invitations” to make an effort so that another person benefits from it. In this sense there is no trick other than forcing yourself to do it firmly propose that, no matter what happens, we must respond with a clear “no.”
Put it this way: it may seem cruel to you to have to do that, but that is only because you are probably not in the habit of making requests and “bad treatment” of others and, therefore, you have not become accustomed to being denied this kind of treatment. favors.
It is not easy, but to free yourself from the habit of living for others you have to learn to recognize manipulation where it occurs
For example, accusations of having previously requested favors that were not actually attended to or of having a lot of free time may seem very obvious if they are explained in writing, but in the course of a real-time dialogue they can work and make us feel guilty. in an irrational way, without falling into the cynical nature of this type of approach.
5. Accept the possibility of letting people go
There are relationships that, although in many cases they started well, over time are only maintained through emotional blackmail and entrenched conflicts. This is natural and with the passage of time it is almost inevitable that we will not go through one of these situations.
But more important than the pain that toxic relationships like these can cause us, is accepting that It’s okay to cut off contact with someone that has been in our daily lives for a long time. Basically because the opposite is that these people can use us as “hostages” so that we do what they want in exchange for not leaving our side.
6. Treat yourself
Starting to respect oneself is a way to make our actions begin to form new beliefs about our own identity. And if we regularly treat ourselves with respect and affection, in the end our own self-image has many possibilities of adjusting to this new reality, getting rid of preconceived ideas of guilt. Self-esteem is also key in this process
If everyone seems very busy and asks you for things to help meet other people’s goals, it may also be, in part, because you you don’t have important goals to meet Therefore, start adventures and develop projects that really interest you. Thus, it will be up to you to use your time in activities that fulfill you, and not always to please others.
