What Is Psychotherapy Like To Overcome The Fear Of Rejection When Looking For A Partner?
Fear is one of the main factors that prevent us from leading a healthy and full life. Specifically, The fear of rejection and its corresponding damage to personal relationships prevents many people from establishing ties with their environment especially if it involves relationships.
What to do in these situations? It is evident that, as with any other fear, it is necessary to go to a professional to help us face and overcome it. But what therapy is the most effective for dealing with relationships when you are afraid of rejection?
Cognitive-behavioral therapy has been shown to be very effective in treating these fears when searching for a partner and give patients back the confidence necessary to face the construction of new bonds. We will tell you below what this method consists of.
The problem of fear of rejection when looking for a partner
Relationships make us especially vulnerable because they have a high capacity to awaken buried fears and traumas in us, by exposing us to the acceptance and appreciation of the other. Furthermore, generally In relationships, we tend to give a lot of ourselves, and this increases our feeling of vulnerability if we do not start from a firm and secure base
By facing a new relationship with fear of rejection, we are unconsciously laying the foundation for what is known as the self-fulfilling prophecy. That is to say; As we are aware of the fear of rejection that invades us, we do not feel comfortable in the first contacts with that person and, consequently, we appear insecure, hesitant, shy, and even abrupt and defensive. All of this will eventually make the person in question “leave”, which we will interpret as a confirmation of our suspicions which, in turn, will make our fear grow. A vicious circle that leads nowhere.
People behave in accordance with the ideas we have of reality. However, these ideas are not always adequate; They are often irrational and built on prejudices and rigid thought patterns, which make healthy interaction with the environment difficult. This is where cognitive-behavioral therapy comes in, which consists of a cognitive restructuring of the patient with the aim of changing their way of dealing with situations. Cognitive-behavioral therapy treats preconceived ideas and transforms them into much more constructive concepts and adapted to the reality that surrounds us in order to, in this way, also adapt our behavior and make it more functional.
The process of cognitive-behavioral therapy in the face of rejection when looking for a partner
Next, we are going to see what the cognitive-behavioral method consists of and how it can be applied to the fear of rejection from a potential partner.
1. Make the patient understand what is happening to him: psychoeducation
For optimal development of the therapy, the patient must be aware of what is happening to them and why they cannot overcome their fear. The therapist explains her situation and establishes a dialogue with the patient so that he or she obtains a clear vision of where the problem is. This step is essential to begin treatment, because it prepares the patient for a change in their habits and ways of thinking.
The next point involves cognitive restructuring, that is, the management of the patient’s irrational beliefs, which lead him to act in a counterproductive way. It is a slow and laborious process, since many of these irrational ideas are deeply anchored in the patient’s mind. In this sense, dialogue with the therapist is basic. Through conversation and the question-answer method, The therapist focuses on these erroneous ideas and helps the patient to be aware of them
For example, if the fear of rejection comes from a distorted image of oneself (the result of low self-esteem), the therapist will make these limitations aware and will try to make the patient see that they are not based on any objective reality. Likewise, if the fear comes from a strict family upbringing, the therapist will help the patient become aware of these limitations.
3. Facing fear: controlled exposure
All fear must be faced. It is the only way to reduce the anxiety that it causes in us. However, this coping must always be carried out under the control of a professional and with a pre-established agreement between therapist and patient. Otherwise, it can be highly counterproductive.
Exposure therapy should be a complement to cognitive-behavioral therapy for optimal results. We could say that it is the “practical” part of it. Thus, the patient comes into contact with anxiety stimuli (starting with those that generate the least anxiety), and thus, gradually, you can modulate your emotions.
4. Relaxation techniques
They are an important complement to cognitive-behavioral therapy, since they help the patient to be calm to face the therapy. On the other hand, these relaxation techniques, which include diaphragmatic breathing and muscle relaxation Jacobson’s progression among others, are very useful to improve the patient’s daily life.
