7 Typical Thoughts Of Self-deception In Emotional Dependence
Social relationships are often a fundamental support network, something we need both to develop psychologically and to be happy. However, sometimes harmful interaction dynamics arise, capable of negatively affecting the way we think and perceive reality.
Perhaps we have the clearest case in sects in which people are manipulated so that they owe blind obedience to the elite of the organization and cut the rest of their ties with others; However, a similar phenomenon can occur on a small scale, in relationships between two people.
This is the topic we will focus on in this article; here we will focus on the way in which emotional dependence in interpersonal relationships gives rise to thoughts of self-deception to maintain that bond even though it is harmful to us.
Emotional dependence is a dysfunctional psychological pattern with which some people develop a permanent dependence on another person, from whom they need constant recognition, acceptance, support and, if possible, affection in any area of their lives. What characterizes emotional dependence is the asymmetry of power and the role of submission to the person on whom one depends, as well as the fear of losing their support.
This is a very negative type of relationship for the person who develops that constant dependence on another person who can be one’s own partner, a close friend or a family member.
Emotional dependence usually works in a bidirectional way, since it requires a dependent person who is placed in a position of submission and inferiority and a controlling person who progressively undermines the personality of his victim and increasingly strengthens his dependence. Both roles often reinforce each other so the situation worsens over time.
Typical self-deceptive thoughts in those who suffer from emotional dependence
There are a series of classic thoughts based on self-deception that hide a situation of psychological manipulation and/or constant submission to the other. We see what are those ways of thinking that the emotionally dependent person develops.
1. “Only that person understands me”
Emotional dependence is based in most cases on harboring a series of self-deceptive thoughts that make the person believe that their love or friendship relationship is real and that it does not harm them in any way.
One of these thoughts has to do with believing that you have established yourself with that person on whom you are dependent, a very special relationship of complicity in which both parties understand and understand each other perfectly always.
In this way, any sign of mistreatment, abuse or violence on the part of the person who is in a situation of superiority is overlooked, arguing that no one understands us like he or she does and that our relationship must continue to exist.
2. “I can’t trust myself”
The lack of trust exhibited by people with emotional dependence is explained by a low level of self-esteem, another of the classic characteristics in the development of this type of dependency relationships.
It is common to believe with total conviction that we are not capable of achieving by ourselves any of the objectives we set for ourselves and that only with the help of those we are dependent on can we achieve our goals.
This phenomenon of lack of trust is often caused by gaslighting or other techniques of psychological manipulation and destruction of the victim’s personality, used by the other person who exerts dependency.
3. “Being with this person is my destiny”
magical thinking It is one of the intellectual modalities most commonly put into practice by people who are emotionally dependent on other people.
Thinking that we should continue with our partner or our friend because we are destined to do so is another way in which we deceive ourselves and remain anchored in a dependent relationship.
4. “I have sacrificed so much for this relationship that at some point it has to work”
Emotionally dependent people tend to systematically sacrifice themselves for the well-being of the other person, giving in at all times and always putting the other person’s interests above your own
This permanent sacrifice ends up generating in the person’s mind thoughts like “so much sacrifice will be worth it in the end”, a false idea that sooner or later they will be better with that person and everything will be fixed.
However, the reality is completely opposite and what usually happens is that the dependency relationship worsens and becomes greater, with the corresponding impact on mental health that this entails.
5. “If he makes decisions for me it is because he is better at everything”
Believing that the other person is always better than us It is also related to a progressive reduction in self-esteem and with the fact of believing that the other will always do better than us.
In a dependency relationship, the victim ends up depending on the other person in all areas of life and to carry out any activity, no matter how simple or everyday.
6. “This person knows me better than I know myself”
Low self-esteem and loss of self-confidence reach levels as high as considering that the other person knows us better than ourselves and knows what is best for us.
This makes it possible for total control and submission towards the other person and for us to depend on them absolutely in any area of life.
7. “Without him/her I will never be happy”
Linking one’s own happiness to the person on whom we are dependent is also an unequivocal and classic sign of emotionally dependent relationships.
This predisposes to the need for wanting to be at all costs with the person on whom we are dependent faced with the fear of never being able to be happy if not with him or her.
