Are you one of those who avoid negative emotions? Do you think that by doing that you get rid of them? Discover what really happens if we don’t listen to our emotions.
What is emotional avoidance? It is nothing more and nothing less than acting Swedish with our own emotions. We think we can hide or ignore them and we don’t listen to them carefully. We only allow ourselves to feel the emotions we consider positive
If you walk down the street and observe people’s behavior, you will see that they may have a neutral expression but you will also see people laughing out loud, having a good time, making jokes or having a more serious conversation, but you will rarely see someone cry or if you see someone angry or screaming you will surely be scared or shocked. This is a reflection of how we unabashedly show what we consider positive emotions and reject or we repudiate negative emotions
Many people, when they feel sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration, helplessness, disgust, etc., try not only to hide it, but also try to act as if this emotion did not exist, since they consider it negative for their health. Nevertheless, All emotions are necessary and it is positive to experience them, even if what you feel hurts If we avoid its appearance, the emotion, far from going away, will become stronger and will try to get your attention.
The clearest example is that of the grieving processes after the death of a loved one. Normally, people who express sadness and work on their emotion correctly prepare the duel But do you know what happens when people try to act as if nothing happened when they have lost a family member or simply avoid talking about it or even about that person? Generally, they are people who end up having pathological grief and require therapeutic help. In my consultation I have seen many cases of people who came to therapy because they did not allow themselves to feel emotion after the loss of someone close to them, and therapeutic work always involves letting the emotions be felt.
There are many people who have the belief that you have to be strong and that means not feeling negative emotions. Since we were little we are urged not to cry, not to get angry and now we are increasingly taught not to get frustrated. When we do this with our children we think that we are protecting them from evil, but in reality we are causing it to them, since if the person does not learn to get frustrated, every time they encounter the reality of frustration, they will have a tremendously bad time. Because we cannot prevent emotions from appearing, they go with the condition of being human.
Now I will explain to you one analogy which I use in therapy when I come across people who try in vain to avoid emotion, that is, they put a protective casing on the heart:
I always explain that it is as if people have a pot inside our body. That pot contains a broth, the broth of all our emotions. When life is going well for us, the heat in that pot is low and the broth simmers. But when we suffer ups and downs, there are situations that cause us problems or destabilize us, the fire turns to maximum power. That makes the broth of our emotions boil abruptly. If we are people who recognize, manage and work on our emotions, that broth will be made despite the virulence of the boil. However, if we put a lid on that pot because we don’t want to hear the emotions that are going on, the broth will fly out of the pot and the lid will fall to the floor. Well, that broth that shoots out is when uncontrolled explosions of rage appear, for example, or anxiety appears without knowing where it comes from (remember that we have covered the pot so as not to feel, so many times anxiety seems to have fallen from the sky but in reality hides poor emotional management), or a psychological symptom: depressive states, anxiety, agoraphobia, social problems, etc. or even physical symptoms such as: irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia, digestive problems, allergies, hair loss or skin problems such as psoriasis or rosacea.
So we think we are protecting our heart but in reality what we are doing is oppressing it in such a way that it cannot beat normally.
You feel identified? Well stop hiding your emotions and act as if you were a robot, emotions are basic and necessary for every human being. We cannot select them as if it were a piece of clothing. They choose us and we have to recognize them, identify them, let them feel, manage them, develop them and little by little they will disappear to let in a new emotion.
How do you do that?
The first thing is to ask yourself What am I feeling? Once the emotion is identified, it is necessary to chew it well, that is, talk about how you feel, the situation that caused it, etc. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to others about your problems (which is very common for people who avoid emotions) write a emotional diary Express your emotions written in a notebook that no one will read, it is only for you. Empty the emotion, cry, scream, take the opportunity to clean up papers, make big tacos and break them with force, get all the anger out. Do all this as many times as you consider necessary until you see that little by little that emotion is no longer so strong or until it has disappeared. If you can change the situation, get to work, and if you can’t do anything, try accept what is happening or what has happened. If you see that you cannot do it by yourself ask for therapeutic help
And remember, even if we don’t always listen to our heartbeat, it still does. So from time to time it is necessary to listen to what he is telling us, because he does not stop and neither do the emotions.
