Friendship, in my humble opinion, can be defined in millions of ways, but the one I most realistically use is: “free choice of temporary companion ”.
The difference between a friend and a family member is evident, the latter has an unchosen bond because its fundamental basis is in the blood bond. No one chooses the parents, siblings, or remaining family members. But yes to friends. And how we do the process. For different stages of life.
Stages of friendship
1. Natural stage
In childhood we will remember the first contacts, in kindergarten, or in primary school, those bonds with equals that we did not know how they were formed, but a bond was created, between equals and by equal desires. As the subsequent periods passed, some continued with us, at school, in the neighborhood, etc. These first equals chosen by affinity usually and can be the lasting ones, because they were born from the innocence of how we connect, without expecting or giving anything, we only unite in the face of other equals with whom that so-called connection did not arise.
2. Conventional stage
At the end of adolescence, two curious events occur in human beings. We have already begun to relate to each other under personality patterns, where what you like and above all what we both like is doing things together. And the value of equals over family members begins to increase. And on the other hand, in this second stage, interest in the opposite sex begins, they are no longer just friends, but you begin to be interested in female friends. But with the opposite the relationship is still not so fluid.
Whether we continue with the educational simile, at university or in work life, our friendship contacts begin to be with a possible secondary intention, because it is convenient for you to be with this or that group of people, because it is what would help you progress. .
Friendship therefore has this concept of choosing who I want to be with and how long they will be in my life, because most of the ties we create we know have a part of social context and another of personal interest.
How to create an effective and lasting bond
How to manage it, from no need for the other Let me explain that to create an effective and efficient bond of friendship, it does not necessarily have to be based on daily demonstrations of how much I call you, how much I care about you, but that I accept who you are, I accept that you have your things to do on a daily basis, but Whenever I have some time for myself, you are one of those people of whom I always have pleasant memories and I want to know that you are there. I define that as the always faithful friend.
The bonds of friendship therefore have that temporal component that we must be aware of, we should not and do not have to create possession in my friends, who are for me and mine only. Friendship is not at all a contact between equals that always has as its only motivator, how good you make me feel and how well you stabilize me in my life.
For this reason, many of these balanced relationships exceed the possible times of emotional relationships. Those who stop being a couple because their friend has a partner, and then last longer than their partner. For that respect of time of absence of obligatory attachment.
In my couples therapies, one of the first questions I ask is, were you friends before you were a couple? Because if the answer is Yes. That relationship has an important solidity, since it was a chosen decision, it was desired and it is based on many points of union and moments lived together before moving to the next step of the couple.
I always recommend that a healthy couple first have to be free friends. And that friendships should always be like couples, knowing that it may last as long as both of them decide it should last, but that when it ends, both of us are left with what we experienced.
There are many studies on social networks in subjects, and at the end of their lives, they will have shared experiences with more than they expect, and surely the emotional ties of real friendship can be counted on the fingers of one hand. You can say then, I have chosen my travel companions very well.
